Thursday, March 24, 2011

Trump unqualified for presidency, refuses to answer questions about his hair

The following is a piece of satire, not to be taken as a serious piece of opinion.

Donald Trump isn't fit to be president of the United States. There are just too many questions surrounding the man's character and whether he'd be a good fit for the presidency. It shouldn't surprise anyone that most of these questions center upon...his hair.

I mean, just LOOK at it: doesn't it seem a little...funny looking? It doesn't appear to be real at all. If ever a man had a hair structure that looked like "a piece," it'd be the Donald.

That's why I believe, before he starts any consideration for the presidency, we should have Donald Trump's head examined.

Of course, Trump could have his own personal "hairdresser" examine his scalp, and then call it a day. But that won't satisfy me and countless others -- I mean, Trump is a billionaire. He could simply pay off anyone to say his hair was legitimately his, to say that he had a full head of hair that did, in fact, grow in that strange way.

This issue is of utmost importance. But there will be skeptics, of course. A lot of people are going to ask: so what? Why would a hairstyle even matter for someone seeking office?

Well you have some nerve, mister.

If Trump is lying about his hair, there's no telling what else he's lying about. Is he really a billionaire? Did he really snub Gadhafi? Does he really want to be president? Then, imagine if he wins office -- should we consider him our true president if, as I suspect, part of his scalp isn't truly part of him? Can we even be sure (if it's indeed a hair piece) that he had it made in America...or did he order his piece from some foreign country?

We could be dealing with an issue of disloyalty here. Who will Trump favor, the American people, or French hair designers?

These are questions I don't think we can afford to leave unanswered. We're talking about a foreign-made tussle of locks running the free world here!

If Donald Trump cannot come forward about his hair, allowing a TRUE and IMPARTIAL stylist to analyze his 'do, then the American people must reject him as a candidate for president. Donald Trump can't just "brush" this issue aside.

Seem like a ridiculous argument? Birthers, including Trump himself, should note that this is how they sound, too.

1 comment:

  1. Dude, that's because it's not hair. It's a dead marmoset. Don't you listen to Stephanie Miller? LOL